The cost of hiding & the power of showing up!

Becoming me: The real reason I preach Authenticity.

I’m sat here with a cuppa, looking out over fields & trees ... and for the first time in a while, I feel free. Liberated. Not just because I finally said “fuck it” to waiting around for someone to come away with me — and just did it solo, but because In this moment, I’m realising how far I’ve come and how much I’ve changed…You wouldn’t have recognised me even five years ago!

And I feel like it’s so important to share what I’m about to share, not because I need you to see me a certain way, or feel sorry for me, or even be impressed…. (my story might not be too dissimilar to your own!)..... But because I need you to understand why I preach the importance of building an authentic bridal hair & makeup business. One for YOU, no one else!

Why it matters so bloody much to me & just how powerful it feels when you finally do. (with the results to match!!)

Now, every coach has their thing, right?

Some shout about making 7-figures. Others swear by passive income, email funnels, social media hacks...... all completely valid & yes I dabble in most of it! BUT for me, it can all just sound like noise, like society wants you to prove something to feel validated & successful.

I know people that make crazy money & still don’t feel aligned in their business or even their life. Always hustling & too scared to take their foot off the peddle.

For me, success is having more free time, making my career work around my lifestyle & feeling fulfilled that I'm doing a job I love, one that feels good, one that feels like me.  I’m all about helping women in our industry feel authentic. Aligned. And f*cking owning it!

That kind of swagger you get after one week of eating right and two gym sessions! That little buzz where you suddenly strut differently, feel clearer, stronger. Now mix that with clarity and structure in your business. a bit of breathing room, better boundaries, & a business that works for you. That’s my obsession!!! ...... That's where the magic happens, & believe it or not.... that's when the money flows differently!!

But why am I banging on about the importance of building an authentic brand when the industry seems to be headed in the opposite direction? Faceless brands, black blazer dress codes, vogue style feeds & everyone trying to keep with the trends, stay within the industry standard & “look the part”…

Well, we kinda need to go back a bit….. but don’t worry ill try and keep it brief!

Picture a little girl with wild hair, an 80's style dress and sandals… sat alone because the kids she shared her toys with stole them and ran off. Yep…. that was me. (Well, according to my mum – I was too young to properly remember.)

But I do remember the feeling that came from rejection & abandonment, because this seemed to be a pattern for me, at home & at school – (but I wont go too far into the home stuff)  & I carried that right through childhood, into my teens, and well into my twenties.

I was bullied most of school, right up until the final year of secondary school actually! I spent most of my life morphing into whatever version of me I thought people wanted. I’d shove down my emotions, hide my hurt, suppress my needs.... because I was terrified of being left. Terrified of being “too much”. Or worse….. not enough!

I was a kid with anxiety, irrational fears, obsessive thoughts and IBS… these things no one really talked about back then. So of course, I felt weird. Different. Broken, even. I spent a lot of time hiding in toilet cubicles, having panic attacks, feeling like the odd one out. I was just trying to find a moment of peace from the noise & the bullies.

But this isn’t a “woe is me” moment. This is where my f*cking fire started!

Fast forward 10 years… and yeah, on the outside I was doing “better”.

I’d styled myself into a ‘better-looking’ version of me. Thought maybe this is what I needed to finally be accepted, loved, wanted. And it worked. For a bit. I Went travelling, met alot of amazing people & saw some amazing places.

I had the pick of the guys, the parties, the friends. Three or four nights a week I’d be out ‘living it up’…But I’d come home, bloated to hell (cheers IBS), feeling empty, and not having a bloody clue why.

Another decade later (bloody hell, I feel old writing this!)... I met someone at an old office job, who seemed….. different to most men. Well, that wasn’t saying much…. I was surrounded by corporate salesmen…..(mostly pricks of course! IYKYK!)  But, he wasn't like the salesmen I used to work with. He seemed grounded, kinder, safer… We fell in love. Got married. Def shouldn’t have, but you learn & I don’t regret it!

Truth is, it went downhill a year before we said “I do”. I’d completely lost myself. I didn’t know what I liked anymore. What I enjoyed. I’d doubled in size (no shame, just didn’t feel like me), and honestly? I didn’t like who I was. As if I didn't have low self esteem issues then, wow ..... it got a lot worse after this toxic relationship!

I’d been ignoring my needs, hiding my truth, quieting my voice — all so I could keep someone who wasn’t even meeting me halfway anymore. I deserved so much more, but didn’t know it or even think it possible…. So I kept pretending, for a while.

After the divorce, I hit the classic “new me” era: Therapy, keto, weight training, hustle mode ON. Opened my first studio, won awards, jetted off for destination weddings, bought a cosy little one-bed home… I should’ve felt unstoppable.

And I did — for a bit. I was independent, successful, strong.

But underneath? I was carrying so much masculine energy — trying to prove I didn’t need anyone. I was bitter. Passive-aggressive. Addicted to the hustle. And exhausted!

Then came lockdown.

Probably one of the weirdest, hardest times in all our lives. It effected everyone differently, if at all with some!

Everyone around me seemed to be nesting, baking banana bread, building home extensions, having family time...

And I was alone. On the phone to tearful brides. Wondering if I’d ever work again. Scared shitless about how I’d pay the bills. Getting in my head about everything & craving sooo much for human touch!

I stuck it out! Stayed in my house, stubborn as always……until the final lockdown lifted… and then the anxiety hit like a ton of bricks. My IBS was really bad, there were dirty dishes stacking up in the sink & bills pilling up the debt & I was exhausted all the time!

I finally gave in & moved back to my mum’s. And that’s when the real healing started.

Not just from the debt, the IBS, the burnout…

I realised I’d spent my whole bloody life running from my true self.

That silly, sensitive, brave little version of me – the one with quirks, flaws, big feelings and even bigger dreams – she’d been shoved down so deep just so others wouldn’t leave.

I was tired. Sooooo f*cking tired!

So I turned inward. Self-help books. Therapy. Crying on yoga mats. Less judgement, more compassion. I started to see myself. Understand my fears. And finally asked the question I’d avoided for years:

What do I actually want? How do I need my life to look?

Not what’s expected of me. Not what looks good on paper.

Not what society expects. Not what might make someone love me.

Just… what do I want?

And the answer was really simple….

To feel happy.

Calm. Safe. Doing what I love.

Living with passion & curiosity for life, a life I create, not society.

Being me & feeling proud of all that I am.

So I started living like that, bit by bit.

I’d say I’m def in recovery now........ from people pleasing, from really low self-worth, from ignoring my own damn needs.

I stopped pushing down my intuition.

Stopped trying to be palatable.

Stopped making myself smaller for other people’s comfort.

And guess what? Sh*t started to shift!

I lost friends who no longer fit. I fell out of love with a career I’d been in for 15 years.

Things changed.

I decided to move into coaching — something I’d secretly thought about for years. But I’d been waiting for everything to be perfect (LOL).

Eventually, I just said “fuck it” and made the leap.

I stopped caring about showing up polished. Started posting real, raw content. Raised my bridal prices from £550 to £800, thinking it would slow bookings down & give me more time to prepare for coaching.

Spoiler: it didn’t!

If anything, it made me more in demand.

I realised I could earn 60k a year doing one wedding a week — if I wanted to. So I did, for a while. I slowly transitioned into coaching. Built the team. Did the courses. Took messy action.

And somewhere along the way, it clicked:

I’m finally living for me.

Being myself. Fully. And people want that? WTF!???

WHY didn’t I know this 20 years ago?!

I changed careers. Found purpose. Confidence. Peace. And finally, finally started feeling appreciated — by others, AND by myself.

So This is why I do what I do. Why I bang on about authenticity. Why I want you to feel confident showing up as your raw, messy, magnetic self.

Because when you stop performing and start aligning? When you stop chasing and start trusting? When you stop shrinking and start fucking owning it?

You don’t just build a business. You build a life that feels like home.

If you are someone who has always been happy & felt safe being fully authentic, even in your business…. Then I applaud you! I know it can come so naturally to some, but for me & so many others I know, it has taken work & is still a working progress.

But listen — if you’re reading this and you see yourself in any part of it —

• The overthinking.

• The perfectionism.

• The hiding.

• The shape-shifting to fit in…

I want you to know this:

You don’t have to wait for a life crisis or a heartbreak or a fucking pandemic to start living more authentically.

You can start now!!

Small, messy, cringey… and honest.

Here’s the strategy that helped me start recovering from being that overthinking perfectionist who used to mould herself instead of standing out:

1: Get curious about therapy and find one that fits YOU.

Honestly, therapy was a game-changer for me! I used hypnotherapy to help me start to trust my intuition again, to feel strong, safe & validated by me, for me!

CBT has also worked for me to rewire my brain ...... IT IS POSSIBLE GUYS, just take time, & repetition!

It’s helped me build self-trust, spot patterns, hear my own intuition more clearly, and finally start liking who I actually am.

It’s not about “fixing” yourself… it’s about finding yourself again.

2: Listen to inspirational & motivational podcasts & crack a book!

Ones that empower you with all your quirks. Stories from other peoples stories that feel the same as yours, & they have still 'done the thing regardless'. What did they do? How can you learn to feel good enough, just as you are.

3: Start putting it into practice with your business, by posting with voiceovers & selfies.

Seriously. You don’t have to do a full-on TED talk. Just get your voice out there. Add a little audio over a time-lapse. Pop a selfie on your grid with a bit more honesty in the caption.

Baby steps count.

4: Talk to your audience in your Stories.

And not in a “Hey guys, let’s talk marketing strategy” way (unless that’s your thing).

I mean proper talking. You, phone, face. Like you’re chatting to your mate.

Messy bun, no filter ….. (or keep the filter if you have to) .... whatever. Just show up.

It builds confidence and connection.

5: Don’t give yourself time to spiral & overthink!

This one changed the game for me.

Create the thing. In your voice, as you! The website, post, blog....... whatever it is.... then countdown from 5. And when you hit 0 — press publish!

Even if you’re cringing. Even if your inner critic is screaming!

Because that is the moment you start rewiring the pattern. When you feel it all…. Deeply, but you do it anyway!!!!! Spoiler…. Nothing bad happens!

That’s the moment you take your power back.

And yeah — it’ll feel scary.

You’ll feel a little exposed.

But you’ll also feel… free! Free from your own barriers & fears!

So show up messy.

Work on caring less about rejection, ghosting, haters.

Build those rock-solid boundaries.

Don’t wait for perfection — it’s a myth.

And don’t let anyone make you feel like you’ve got to “look the part” to be worthy.

You already are!